drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
