seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize