He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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