The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
