It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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