"it" just moved
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The power of my boobs compel you
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
