I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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