This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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