dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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