Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm at about main and main street
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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