you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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