Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Girls should come with a carfax report
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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