there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
