um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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