Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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