dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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