I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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