Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
