She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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