she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
