Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize