Cold hands, warm shart.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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