So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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