I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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