i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
