What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i think i have two assholes
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
