I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
