a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
