the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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