cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize