I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
