Small penises have feelings too.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
