So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
