You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
