so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize