well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Sacagawea was the original milf.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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