If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
