I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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