so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize