I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
