return my video game
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
