I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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