Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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