Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
