I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Boobs are out for the taking
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
