Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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