he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
