Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
