is wine microwaveable?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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