Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
