How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
