Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
