What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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