i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
