If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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