it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
