I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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