oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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