Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
