I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i used baking grease as lip gloss
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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