I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I forget how to act sober
Randomize