This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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