two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Randomize
