THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
