I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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