Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
