Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
