Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
