we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
