oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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